I see one colour but I feel another.
I have always been that guy who values the concept of the
glass being half full. There is always a glimmer of good that rises from the
darkness. As a guy who has grown up and lived through a variety of traumatic
events, coming at him in many different shapes and from many different
directions, I feel that my belief in this holds some merit. My glass half full
has done battle with brain injury, cancer, death and much more in between.
Those demons, they have knocked on my door and stolen moments and lives. And
when this darkness has touched me, I close my eyes, and that is when I see the
glass half full, that is when I see the colour silver. It is the colour silver
that helps me go beyond, and it gives me a reason to smile and keep my head
held high. I feel that it is the best and only alternative.
But before getting to that colour, that silver, that place
of safety, comes the crying, the hating, the frustration, the yelling, the
confusion, the anger; and it can last and hurt like hell. There is no time
limit that can be placed upon such feelings spawned by trauma. And these things
need to be felt; to be worked through, and to maybe even be held onto just a
little bit so that we can remember. But if I do not allow myself to eventually
see the silver, what is the point?
I honour myself, and those touched by the trauma, to see the
silver and move forward.
But the colour I feel is something different, and that is the
colour purple. Can you feel a colour? Me writing this blog post should tell you
my answer. I feel that the colour purple, it is the feeling of safety, of
overcoming, of surviving. It is the feeling of uniqueness and creativity. I
think it comes from the purple smoke stack tower that stood outside of my window,
at the hospital I was in when I was sick; plagued with a viral infection. And
it is not so much a vivid memory of the tall structure and its colour, but a
feeling from within.
It is because of that feeling, the purple inside, that I am
given the strength. The strength to continue on and to get through the fatigue,
the loneliness, the confusion, the fear.
I am a true Survivor and that survivorship, it is saturated
in purple. Purple has helped my character, my accomplishments, my emotions and
my sensitivities, to grow. I have overcome barriers and challenges while
drenched in the hidden and underlying colour of purple. My blood, sweat and
tears, my soul, all tinged with it…. I swear. I can feel it.
I see;
And I feel;
And I move forward.
Do you want to come with me?
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