Saturday, August 20, 2011

Inching Forward

Even if it is a little baby step, one foot or one toe at a time, I like to keep moving forward. Like the title indicates, it is sometimes, most often actually, slow and somewhat cautiously that I do this. It is seldom that I jump out of the gate full steam ahead, taking risks and throwing caution to the wind; but that is not to say it has never happened. I just tend to prefer things slow, (not turtle slow)  but something that I can ease into, something safe, something comfortable.
I have been through a lot in my life and I've learned to relax and enjoy the view, (a quote from my dissertation Breaking Down Barriers and Walking the Path of Accessibility, "For those of us who have come to appreciate a cautious approach to life offer a unique ability for the serene.") but it is also mixed with some of my confusions and misunderstandings and of me being a little scared of what's around the corner. Regardless though, I do move forward.

In the past I have lost friendships, romantic relationships haven't worked out, I've been hurt, I've been looked down on and blamed for things I had nothing to with, I've been left hanging, (receiving no response or feedback to a question or an attempt to make contact; not actually hanging) My hard work ignored and shunned. My stretched out helping hand taken for granted. But, I go on.
I have some great friends and I haven't given up on generating new ones..... same goes for those intimate relationships, work, or whatever else may be the case. Even though sometimes I think people just don't always understand me; that in some way, some how, my learning disability and the illness I encountered comes through and scares people off; or that I act like an idiot and say the wrong thing. Regardless of those few insecurities, I go on. Why? Simply put, because I can. I have a responsibility to continue moving forward...... learning and growing. This responsibility is not only to myself or to my mom who has a disability or to my friends or the fact that I want to be an AWESOME uncle to my new born niece; (though they are all important things) I have a responsibility to life.
I appreciate life and everything about it! I count myself blessed to be here.

I'm sure many of us have been through tough times or currently may still be in one. I'm sure many of us have been let down and hurt; whether physically or emotionally. I'm sure it has been or is hard to go on. But we are not helpless. Maybe if we think of it in terms of responsibility, life and moving on may just become easier. I know that some tasks can become daunting, but for the most part I think the responsibility of taking care of someone or something (a loved one, a child, even a job) become part of the natural flow and we learn to enjoy; even if it is only little moments.
At least that is how I go on. We all can...... Even if it is in inches.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Written Experience

I have always been a creative person and I've been writing now for years. Articles, short stories, long stories, a novel. I have been published a few times and have one book out, "Chronicles of a Girl"; so I can now say I'm not only a writer but a published author. My road to publishing was a bit of a difficult journey. At first though, it was real easy, in fact, probably too easy. While I got all excited about the idea of my story being published for all to see and enjoy, I forgot about one a key element, (at least for me) "proceed with caution and find the right fit." I acted a little too fast and found myself stuck on a foggy road I was unsure of.
To make a long story short and get to the end result, I made it through and I am happy and proud of the fact that I have a novel with my name on it. And now, from experience, I've taken a little more caution toward publishing my second book. I will publish a second, and maybe even a third, fourth...... it could on; and each time I'm sure that the difficult journey will get easier. Publish or not, I will always write. Writing short or long stories, articles or this blog is in my blood and it is my choice. It is my preferred method of communication and in some ways even socialism.

I am a shy and quiet guy, but as I've written about in this series of blog posts, I am also a guy with a learning disability which has presented me with difficulties in keeping up with the pace of most others, hardships understanding things, confusion, frustration and communication barriers. I have difficulty at times finding words in my head and speaking in the moment. As much as I sometimes think ALL of this technology has gone way too far, and I have trouble understanding it, I am so grateful for it at the same time. It is a step up from using pen and paper and can be a better thing if your talent with the pen ain't so great. (I can be rather messy) In the social aspect to it, email gives me time to think about what I'm writing. I get to pause and reflect and even erase. Most of all, I get to make sure that I make sense and that I'll be understood; because there are times I think I'm not. Sometimes I don't even understand myself.
I like being able to express myself and to share. I have things to say and I think my opinions can be valuable. Writing is my chosen format and I believe it is my strength. We should all play to our strengths; not other peoples expectations.
I started this post off saying that I am a creative person. I like to sit down and create my own worlds and characters. I like giving some of those characters skills that I  admire. I like creating dramatic situations and being able to work through without much damage. In the real world it can sometimes get very scary and lonely. No mater what happens in my stories though, my characters will never leave. (Unless I choose for them to) That is something I cannot control in real life, but that is what makes writing such a treasure for me. I get to communicate and do things I have a hard time with in society. I get to learn and understand and grow and that is what helps me enjoy life!

So no matter what difficult road may present itself or the barriers I need to overcome, writing will always be my thing. Whether creatively or socially, it helps me share with others and myself, and I couldn't ask for more than that. Writing is my choice, and it has proven quite an experience. And just as everyone has their own thing, I'm sure that writing still has more to offer me.