It is hard to explain, but I feel it; I can see it.
As I look out my front hall window to the snowy setting stretching onto forever it seems, I get lost in thought. What is going on in this world? Really. What?
The lockdown to the grey zone to the stay at home order and then back to the grey zone red zone.
The violence, the riots.
All the chaos and madness over this past year; even before then really.
Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I disappointed? Maybe a plate full of everything plus a side of confusion.
But when I close my eyes and stand still inside a few moments of silence, I know it is there.
It is hard to explain. I reach for it, I feel it; I can see it.
It is there when I go to the grocery store and I am welcomed at the entrance with a smiling face; yes, even with the mask I can see the smile; I can hear it in the voice.
I went to pick up a takeout order from a local restaurant the other day and when I spoke with the waitress there about all the support in other takeout orders and big tips being given, it was there.
During my work staff virtual meetings, looking over all of those Brady Bunch boxes and chatting with my co-workers; it is there too.
The signs cheering on frontline workers, the acts of kindness, the mini Pride parade I saw in my home town last summer to the Christmas drive-bys and displays.
I see it in my niece’s eyes when she is sitting on the couch, sometimes telling me a story of her future plans to buy a horse farm, or studying the latest Tik-Tok.
When my nephew laughs during our snowball fights or in the summer months when bat hits ball and he runs the invisible bases, (in his game they are in a zig-zag pattern) there it is.
It is glowing.
It is beautiful.
It is forgiveness and acceptance.
Fuel for the power of love; not the love of power.
Regardless of all this sadness and disappointment, this anger and confusion, I can see it.
Even though, God forbid, there seems to be no ending to the darkness at times. That hope is only a dream. But it only seems that way. I know it is not true, not in the least.
I think it is in us all.
I reach for it.
I can feel it.
I can see it.
But sometimes I have to wonder, does anyone else?