Saturday, August 20, 2011

Inching Forward

Even if it is a little baby step, one foot or one toe at a time, I like to keep moving forward. Like the title indicates, it is sometimes, most often actually, slow and somewhat cautiously that I do this. It is seldom that I jump out of the gate full steam ahead, taking risks and throwing caution to the wind; but that is not to say it has never happened. I just tend to prefer things slow, (not turtle slow)  but something that I can ease into, something safe, something comfortable.
I have been through a lot in my life and I've learned to relax and enjoy the view, (a quote from my dissertation Breaking Down Barriers and Walking the Path of Accessibility, "For those of us who have come to appreciate a cautious approach to life offer a unique ability for the serene.") but it is also mixed with some of my confusions and misunderstandings and of me being a little scared of what's around the corner. Regardless though, I do move forward.

In the past I have lost friendships, romantic relationships haven't worked out, I've been hurt, I've been looked down on and blamed for things I had nothing to with, I've been left hanging, (receiving no response or feedback to a question or an attempt to make contact; not actually hanging) My hard work ignored and shunned. My stretched out helping hand taken for granted. But, I go on.
I have some great friends and I haven't given up on generating new ones..... same goes for those intimate relationships, work, or whatever else may be the case. Even though sometimes I think people just don't always understand me; that in some way, some how, my learning disability and the illness I encountered comes through and scares people off; or that I act like an idiot and say the wrong thing. Regardless of those few insecurities, I go on. Why? Simply put, because I can. I have a responsibility to continue moving forward...... learning and growing. This responsibility is not only to myself or to my mom who has a disability or to my friends or the fact that I want to be an AWESOME uncle to my new born niece; (though they are all important things) I have a responsibility to life.
I appreciate life and everything about it! I count myself blessed to be here.

I'm sure many of us have been through tough times or currently may still be in one. I'm sure many of us have been let down and hurt; whether physically or emotionally. I'm sure it has been or is hard to go on. But we are not helpless. Maybe if we think of it in terms of responsibility, life and moving on may just become easier. I know that some tasks can become daunting, but for the most part I think the responsibility of taking care of someone or something (a loved one, a child, even a job) become part of the natural flow and we learn to enjoy; even if it is only little moments.
At least that is how I go on. We all can...... Even if it is in inches.

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