Saturday, March 5, 2011

Stuck In The Middle

I think it is safe to say that mostly all of us have heard the saying, "nice guys finish last". Is this saying true? Is it not true? I believe both and that is why I am stuck in the middle.
Ever since I can remember I have been a nice guy. I know that this may sound a little self involved, but I've heard it over and over and over again. I have been called the quiet, shy, responsible, helpful and caring individual.
"You're such a nice guy," they would say. Blah! Where has it gotten me?

I'm not financially wealthy, I struggle with money; I struggle with life. I easily get confused and frustrated. I can be slow at certain things and quite often feel physically drained, or a bit sluggish. I have only a handful of friends and I've lost quite a few others. I've lost both my Grandparents, I lost my dad at a pretty early age. My mom has had an accident that she has to struggle with every day. Romantic relationships have not worked out for me. I work hard and have a lot of skills to offer and yet I've never really had what you'd call a great, lasting career. I've made some mistakes and have been hurt through them
Finishing last sometimes feels exactly that. And that saying, it seems, is one I've latched onto and drag around with me everywhere. I can't seem to shake it. But I know deep down that being the quiet, shy, responsible, helpful, caring individual is who I am.There is no changing it because I don't want to change it.
I have a good home to live in, a good family that I love and loves me, and few that there may be, I have some terrifically wonderful friends. Everything I've gone through in life I've learned from and some of those things have been for the better. I am not bummed about not having a romantic partner. (Although that does not mean I don't want one) I cherish my time alone, a time I get to do things I enjoy, like exploring my creative side..... writing, going out for walks with my awesome dog, working around the house, (yeah, that's right, I enjoy it) and volunteering from time to time to lend a helping hand.

But still, I just can't seem to shake that saying. It is like a little voice popping into my head every time something bad or difficult to handle happens, "nice guys finish last you know?" Over the years, over time when I've learned and grown I have slowly been able to overpower that voice and not let that saying bother me so much. It still remains though, I don't know if it will ever go away. I'm sure we all have something that brings us down, that Achilles heel. But it is that shadow of omnipotence and inner strength that I try to focus on. It's a different voice that I should be listening to, a clearer voice that tells me "There is no finishing last, because there is no race."

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