Every time that I hear the saying "life is like a stage" I can't help but think, one, how true it is, and two, how I used to devote part of my life to the stage.
After graduating College and realizing I really was still a bit lost career wise, I decided to spend the summer up north under the roof of our family home. I took up volunteering at the Red Barn theatre in Jackson's Point, it was Canada's oldest summer professional theatre. (Sadly this theatre was destroyed by a fire in 2008 and is no more) My volunteering quickly turned to a paid job and lead me to spend the next eight years working in backstage production. The organization of props, the dealing with actors, the laughter and excitement of the crowds coming to see the show, the lights, the settings for different performances, the chaos that ensued backstage...... these were all things that I grew (quickly) to love.
For a variety of reasons I felt comfortable in the confines of that old barn; sometimes more so than I did anywhere else, including our family home. I will never forget my days at the Red Barn. I had shed blood, sweat and tears there. All of the frustration and disappointment I felt, there, in my life, in me, was washed away when I got to work on stage.
In 2001 my mother had an accident, and I was, funnily enough, at the theatre. I had taken off the majority of that August to be by my mom's side in the hospital and to take care of things at home, but by mid-September I returned to help with the last performance of the season and close things down for the winter. As I did this I realized I would not be returning the next spring. I needed to find something a little more permanent, something that would give me a regular forty hour work week with regular eight hour shifts so that I could spend time with my mom, helping her deal with this acquired brain injury and begin the road to recovery.
As hard as it was to see things this way, it is what I needed to do, it is what I wanted to do. Like being on stage, my role was changing, the setting was changing, I was moving into the next Act.
I obtained a job at a local hotel where I remained for the next several years. I moved my way up in ranks to Front Desk and Accommodations Supervisor. I saw a lot of people come and go over that time period as well as the hotel being sold and placed under new ownership. Ownership difficulties is why it closed in November 2009.
Being in a small town you deal with the same shit you deal with anywhere else really, only because it is a small town with less population, you feel it more. The rumors, the gossip, the played out drama. (I recall at this point when I was younger, in high school, when my sister's friend would come over, plunk down on the couch and state "let me tell you about the latest drama.") Drama can be sad, but also quite foolish. Drama does not just occur on stage in the theatre or back in school where we were younger and maybe a bit naive, drama is part of life...... and there isn't just three Acts, there are dozens of them; and sometimes intermission is skipped over entirely.
I may not have a whole lot of close friends in my life, but I have met quite a few people in my life's journey. Schools, jobs, places I've lived, places I've visited, even online, and I've come to find that there are a lot of people who seem to like drama......... the foolish kind. Rumors and gossip seem to be everywhere. Our world seems to be more concerned with Kristen Stewart cheating on the love of her life or the latest between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and the kid that they share.I sometimes find myself weighed down by this drama; by manipulation and insensitivity and the fact that some people seem to simply want to stayed wallowed in misery.
The other week tragedy struck our small town when a sixteen year old girl was hit by a car and died. Even though I did not know this girl or her family, I felt bad. SIXTEEN! This story breaks my heart, and the really sad part about it is, sad stories like this are happening all over the world. But like the stage, "the show must go on". Roles will change, settings will change, and people will move into the next Act.
But then, I'm finding that there are multiple stages with different Acts being played out. Acts worth seeing, Acts worth taking part in. The title of this post is the same of a website I highly recommend checking out: Life's a Stage ~ Weblog ~ by Estrella Azul to me it is just full of happiness and fun with ton's of creativeness to be shared. There is also The World Needs More Love Letters; a scripted story definitely worth noticing, sharing and taking part in. There are stages that have been set or are in motion of being set by Non-Profit organizations to help others with struggles and challenges they face in our earthly society. Even though not always seen or heard (unfortunately) there are a lot of these well-to-do, with good intention, scripts being played out all around.
For myself, even though some Acts have been tough, I cherish the roles I've always had or have graduated into: Brother, Son, Care Giver, Uncle, Volunteer. If you haven't got it yet, the right role is out there for you, and there are some great ones still to come I'm sure. Don't give up and let the foolish drama get to you. There is always another Act, the show is never over.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Like Sands Through The Hour Glass
Like Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones say "Time is on my side, yes it is", so I guess it must be true. But quite often I am not so sure. Sometimes, on the rare occasion when I feel I'm spinning out of control, I would swear that time is against me and it is my enemy. I am sure that I am not alone in feeling this.
In fact, I just bumped into a friend at the grocery who asked "how's your summer going?" Only to quickly add, before I could say anything, "or at least what's left of summer." Which to some can seem like it blew by in a twenty-four hour period.
The fact that I turned forty years of age this past May does not bother me much; except that it means I've been around now for forty years and I feel like that in that time frame I haven't accomplished a lot.
I haven't become a famous writer. In fact, career wise, I haven't been a huge success at much.
I haven't found love; not that long lasting kind that develops into a future partnership. There has been no great story book romance in my life. (Do those exist?) And how am I supposed to find time for that anyway when I can't even get done all of the things that need to get done around the house!
Time does not heal all wounds. I was sick at the age of six, and here we are, thirty-four years later and I still face challenges that are a direct result from that. Here is one of those examples where I think time is against me, because I think others may be thinking in their heads, thirty-four years? Get over it! Maybe that part is only in my head.
And I get so tired sometimes.
Eleven years have passed since my mom's accident, how come she isn't better?
My dad passed away when I was thirteen and I still miss him today, maybe even more than I did then.
Time, I am sure, has affected us all in some way.
Time is a precious, VERY precious, thing; and I think we waste it! I waste it. I'm guilty of losing my own time. Someone once told me "don't worry, we have plenty of time." Ha! This is my rant on time.
But wait a minute. Wait just a minute!
There is a saying that "Time is ours to waste." And perhaps time is ours, to do anything with.
Perhaps time goes by so quickly because we focus on it so much. Maybe not on the surface, but sub-consciously, I think so.
Everybody seems so rushed, and for what, where are we going? I'm not saying that we shouldn't have schedules and keep our appointments, but getting everything done at once is not life altering important. (I need to remind myself of this as well; in fact, I think I'll write that down and post it somewhere)
Time is time, it goes by the same way everyday. Only we make it fly by, and sometimes that can't be helped, and that's okay.
The two biggest challenges faced when it comes to dealing with time going by is Wasting It and Making Mistakes; and those two can kind of go together on occasion.
#1 I think we scrutinize over wasting time more so than is actually wasted..... and I say this because, maybe, just maybe, nothing that you do in life is really a waste. It affects you. It affects others. No matter how little, no matter how minor, it is significant.
#2 I think this is summed up best in a saying I found. "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." Author unknown.
As for me, when I put my ranting aside, I have had a pretty remarkable forty years with great experiences. Accomplishments and non-accomplishments combined, (maybe we need to start looking at everything (right minded) that we do as an accomplishment) I believe I just may be where I am supposed to be. Further successes will come; I just got to be open to all types of success. Perhaps my storybook romance will come as well; but if not, that's okay. "Time is on my side." Not only did Mick say so, I do.
And maybe time isn't supposed to entirely heal wounds.... at least not emotional ones. I have learned so much from my experiences and still continue on a path because of them. And my parents, regardless of where they are in life, still teach me new things.
In fact, I just bumped into a friend at the grocery who asked "how's your summer going?" Only to quickly add, before I could say anything, "or at least what's left of summer." Which to some can seem like it blew by in a twenty-four hour period.
The fact that I turned forty years of age this past May does not bother me much; except that it means I've been around now for forty years and I feel like that in that time frame I haven't accomplished a lot.
I haven't become a famous writer. In fact, career wise, I haven't been a huge success at much.
I haven't found love; not that long lasting kind that develops into a future partnership. There has been no great story book romance in my life. (Do those exist?) And how am I supposed to find time for that anyway when I can't even get done all of the things that need to get done around the house!
Time does not heal all wounds. I was sick at the age of six, and here we are, thirty-four years later and I still face challenges that are a direct result from that. Here is one of those examples where I think time is against me, because I think others may be thinking in their heads, thirty-four years? Get over it! Maybe that part is only in my head.
And I get so tired sometimes.
Eleven years have passed since my mom's accident, how come she isn't better?
My dad passed away when I was thirteen and I still miss him today, maybe even more than I did then.
Time, I am sure, has affected us all in some way.
Time is a precious, VERY precious, thing; and I think we waste it! I waste it. I'm guilty of losing my own time. Someone once told me "don't worry, we have plenty of time." Ha! This is my rant on time.
But wait a minute. Wait just a minute!
There is a saying that "Time is ours to waste." And perhaps time is ours, to do anything with.
Perhaps time goes by so quickly because we focus on it so much. Maybe not on the surface, but sub-consciously, I think so.
Everybody seems so rushed, and for what, where are we going? I'm not saying that we shouldn't have schedules and keep our appointments, but getting everything done at once is not life altering important. (I need to remind myself of this as well; in fact, I think I'll write that down and post it somewhere)
Time is time, it goes by the same way everyday. Only we make it fly by, and sometimes that can't be helped, and that's okay.
The two biggest challenges faced when it comes to dealing with time going by is Wasting It and Making Mistakes; and those two can kind of go together on occasion.
#1 I think we scrutinize over wasting time more so than is actually wasted..... and I say this because, maybe, just maybe, nothing that you do in life is really a waste. It affects you. It affects others. No matter how little, no matter how minor, it is significant.
#2 I think this is summed up best in a saying I found. "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." Author unknown.
As for me, when I put my ranting aside, I have had a pretty remarkable forty years with great experiences. Accomplishments and non-accomplishments combined, (maybe we need to start looking at everything (right minded) that we do as an accomplishment) I believe I just may be where I am supposed to be. Further successes will come; I just got to be open to all types of success. Perhaps my storybook romance will come as well; but if not, that's okay. "Time is on my side." Not only did Mick say so, I do.
And maybe time isn't supposed to entirely heal wounds.... at least not emotional ones. I have learned so much from my experiences and still continue on a path because of them. And my parents, regardless of where they are in life, still teach me new things.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Avril, Wonderland, Inspiration & Me
"You don't have to be a creative soul to want inspiration;
all souls should have it."
It was a gloomy day; mildly warm and drizzling on and off. I had decided to clean house, starting with the book self in our family room that held precious photo albums. I had loaded the CD player with discs, including Avril's that I had yet to listen to.
To make a long story short, I ended up sitting on the couch looking at pictures, taking a trip down memory lane. Certain photos lead me to other memorable objects that I dragged out into the family room, one of which was a scrap book of all the "Get Well" cards and other things that I had obtained when I had been hospitalized. Inside of that scrap book I also kept the diagnosis report that I had obtained just a few years earlier; a report regarding my brain injury. It still blows my mind a little that I never got "officially" diagnosed until my thirties from an illness and brain injury I sustained when I was six.
Anyway, reading all of these cards along with my somewhat dismal diagnosis, depression started to set in. But then it happened, a new CD clicked on and song track number one began. "Take Me Away" by Avril Lavigne.
I cannot find a way to describe it; It's there inside; all I do is hide; I wish that it would just go away; What would you do, you do, if you knew? What would you do?
Chorus: All the pain I thought I knew; All the thoughts lead back to you; Back to what was never said; Back and forth inside my head; I can't handle this confusion; I'm unable; come and take me away.
I feel like I am all alone; All by myself, I need to get around this; My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you; If I show you, I don't think you'd understand; Cause no one understands
All the pain I thought I knew ........(Repeat Chorus)......... come and take me away.
I'm going nowhere (on and on and on); I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on); Take me away; I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on); (and off and on)
All the pain I thought I knew........(Repeat Chorus)......... come and take me away.
Take me away; Break me away; Take me away
I hit repeat a few times and I knew that this was my song. I am sure the song was probably written about some relationship break-up or something, but the lyrics were my feelings toward my illness and all the crappy things it brought into my life. So.... maybe not the most uplifting song, but for me it was.
The way she sings, the way I sing it with her, (sometimes at the top of my lungs) empowers me! It helps erase all of those things every time I feel them sneaking up on me. It helps kick my fear in the butt and takes it away.
My heartfelt thanks to Avril.
Years later I find Avril doing it again with another song, "Alice." A song to lift your head high and march forward to.
I've often felt lost in life, in a different world to others; in a wonderland. I'm sure that, for different reasons, or perhaps similar ones to mine, others have felt lost as well. My interpretation of this song: No matter how lost WE may feel, WE can always get back to life, to wherever we feel most comfortable
Trippin out, Spinning around. I'm underground, I fell down. Yeah I fell down
I'm freaking out, where am I now? Upside down and I can't stop it now. Can't stop me now, oh oh
Chorus: I, I'll get by. I, I'll survive. When the world's crashing down. When I fall and hit the ground. I will turn myself around. Don't you try to stop me. I, I won't cry
I found myself in Wonderland. Get back on my feet, on ground again. Is this real? Is this pretend? I'll take a stand until the end
I, I'll get by. ....... (Repeat Chorus) ............ I, I won't cry
I, I'll get by. ....... (Repeat Chorus) ............ I, I won't cry
Avril has also set up her own Foundation, The Avril Lavigne Foundation. R.O.C.K.S = Respect, Opportunity, Choices, Knowledge, Strength. It has been created in support of children and youth living with serious illnesses and disabilities.
So, if you're reading this, you may be wondering at this time, why is Mark sharing this inspirational crush? Well, it is because my life has been, and still is to this day, (though much improved) full of ups and downs. I'm not the smartest guy in the world, I have a handful of barriers and challenges to face. But there is one thing I have come to learn and I can see clearly. Having "Inspiration" in life is so important.
You don't have to try that hard to find it, just open your eyes and open your mind. In some cases, it will come to you. When it does, hold on to it. And if it feels right, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Even without the challenges of a disability, life can be difficult. There are so many awful things in this world; and there are, sadly, people who seem to live to bring others down. And bringing someone down is unfortunately so much easier than building them up; or even keeping them level sometimes.
The human spirit is strong and can accomplish great things. Things sometimes we don't even think to ourselves that we can accomplish. But a little Inspiration to help guide us and fill our souls, can make the accomplishment of life so much more rewarding.
Friday, July 6, 2012
The Sweetest Thing
"I don't quite know; How
to say, How I feel. Those three words;
Are said too much; They're
not enough."
These are lyrics from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. This is a beautiful song, beautifully sung, with great lyrics. Everyone has their own interpretations of things and what they might mean. I like to think of it this way: the song is about romance and couples being together, and this line says that those words I Love You sometimes need to be expressed in other ways when in this situation. Because I Love You can, and maybe should, apply to any relationship that makes people feel good.
Love is a universal thing and should be shared and passed on.
Definition: Love is an emotion of a strong affection. Love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe actions towards others or oneself based on compassion or affection.
Yet for some reason when strung together with the words I and You, it takes on different meanings. You hear I Love You and people tend to think perhaps "commitment" or "forever" or the idea that someone wants something. (For example: sex) It can also bring about feelings of obligation or fear. Someone may feel compelled to say I Love You in return of hearing it.
A few months ago now my friend Estrella referred me to a website called "The World Needs More Love Letters" and I just had to become involved with this organization and their movement. It is all about writing (which if you know me or have read some of my past posts, I have a hugely strong passion for) and more importantly, spreading and sharing the Love. This is a great thing!! More people should be doing it!! Once a month I send off a specific Love Letter to a recipient that the organization has found in need. But I also write and spread these Love Letters wherever I can get to. Because Love Letters don't have to be about romance, they are about human kindness, compassion and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another"
But even before getting involved with The World Needs More Love Letters I often questioned why Love is not often easily shared. Why is it that we tend to have no problems exclaiming out Love for a meal, a movie or television show, an actor or author,(whom we've never met) but have difficulties expressing it to those closest? I'll admit that I don't often use the word Love when talking to people, but I have my challenges with verbal communication that go way deeper than the word Love. (again, if you know me or have read some of my past posts you know what I'm referring to)
I dated a girl who once told me that she Loved me and then a few days later I was dumped. I could have been pissed and confused, (I'll admit that I was, but it was more out of a sadness and disappointment) because those words are supposed to mean "commitment" or "forever", right? I knew that this wasn't the case. I have no regrets and hold no grudges. Coupled relationships don't work out for many reasons, the simplicity of Love isn't it; not really. Differences, goals, personalities, lies, abuse, misunderstandings; these are what break people up. Couples, friends, acquaintances. People don't like other people because of characteristics. Not because of Love; Love is really always there when you're dealing with human goodness; the heart and the soul. And Love can still be there after break ups or divorce.... we've all heard people who have split from one another say "I still Love him". Well, I have.
Romantic couples can whisper the phrase I Love You, (though it can get mixed in with other emotions) family members can exchange it, I've even heard girlfriends say it to one another. But beyond this, using the L-O-V-E word becomes a problem. It shouldn't. Because Love is the sweetest thing!
Love
Mark
These are lyrics from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. This is a beautiful song, beautifully sung, with great lyrics. Everyone has their own interpretations of things and what they might mean. I like to think of it this way: the song is about romance and couples being together, and this line says that those words I Love You sometimes need to be expressed in other ways when in this situation. Because I Love You can, and maybe should, apply to any relationship that makes people feel good.
Love is a universal thing and should be shared and passed on.
Definition: Love is an emotion of a strong affection. Love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe actions towards others or oneself based on compassion or affection.
Yet for some reason when strung together with the words I and You, it takes on different meanings. You hear I Love You and people tend to think perhaps "commitment" or "forever" or the idea that someone wants something. (For example: sex) It can also bring about feelings of obligation or fear. Someone may feel compelled to say I Love You in return of hearing it.
A few months ago now my friend Estrella referred me to a website called "The World Needs More Love Letters" and I just had to become involved with this organization and their movement. It is all about writing (which if you know me or have read some of my past posts, I have a hugely strong passion for) and more importantly, spreading and sharing the Love. This is a great thing!! More people should be doing it!! Once a month I send off a specific Love Letter to a recipient that the organization has found in need. But I also write and spread these Love Letters wherever I can get to. Because Love Letters don't have to be about romance, they are about human kindness, compassion and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another"
But even before getting involved with The World Needs More Love Letters I often questioned why Love is not often easily shared. Why is it that we tend to have no problems exclaiming out Love for a meal, a movie or television show, an actor or author,(whom we've never met) but have difficulties expressing it to those closest? I'll admit that I don't often use the word Love when talking to people, but I have my challenges with verbal communication that go way deeper than the word Love. (again, if you know me or have read some of my past posts you know what I'm referring to)
I dated a girl who once told me that she Loved me and then a few days later I was dumped. I could have been pissed and confused, (I'll admit that I was, but it was more out of a sadness and disappointment) because those words are supposed to mean "commitment" or "forever", right? I knew that this wasn't the case. I have no regrets and hold no grudges. Coupled relationships don't work out for many reasons, the simplicity of Love isn't it; not really. Differences, goals, personalities, lies, abuse, misunderstandings; these are what break people up. Couples, friends, acquaintances. People don't like other people because of characteristics. Not because of Love; Love is really always there when you're dealing with human goodness; the heart and the soul. And Love can still be there after break ups or divorce.... we've all heard people who have split from one another say "I still Love him". Well, I have.
Romantic couples can whisper the phrase I Love You, (though it can get mixed in with other emotions) family members can exchange it, I've even heard girlfriends say it to one another. But beyond this, using the L-O-V-E word becomes a problem. It shouldn't. Because Love is the sweetest thing!
Love
Mark
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Seesaw
Halfway in between the public school that I attended as a kid and the town home that I lived in with my family, was a park with a pretty cool little playground. Swings, monkey bars, a slide, a small fort to climb with a ladder, (my memory isn't that great, so I might be missing something) and a couple of seesaws. I never really liked being on the seesaw, I just usually sat on one of the benches and watched the other kids use them. I felt at times like I was missing out on being "normal". I did try it out, but it was too dizzying for me. Because of the illness that I went through, life itself was too dizzying for me; I didn't need anything to add to it. I had no problems with everything else, I felt a little more in control with those things. But the seesaw was different.
As I grew older and became more aware of myself and the crazy world that surrounded me I began to understand that a little bit of the seesaw was in everything. Sometimes I'm able to control the dizziness, sometimes not. What makes it more bearable than when I was that kid sitting in the playground, is that I don't fear it much anymore. I don't try to run away from the things I don't understand; which actually only ended up making things worse.
One of the things I find having the seesaw effect on me, driving me crazy at times because part of me thinks I may have become addicted, is this entire Social Media thing. I mean, two hundred and five friends on Facebook, one thousand sixty three followers on Twitter, one hundred and twenty eight connections on LinkedIn. It's not that I want any of this to change, and the more the merry really. I like the idea of all those people out there that I can communicate to and share with if I wish, and on my schedule, from the confines of my own room/office. But it can be overwhelming to a guy who has difficulties and easily gets confused with too much going on.
I start to feel a little guilty when I don't post things for days at a time, and I worry over whether or not I will lose anyone from my cyber time life, the way I have in my real time life, because of my inactivity. I know that by nature I am an introvert, but because of something I went through and really had no control over, I find myself having an inability to keep up with this fast paced world, and it is so much faster online. So I sometimes wonder if it is too much for me? Is this thing just like the seesaw and out of my control? Then I start to think, is it silly to be even worrying over something like this?
The reality of it is, I will always have questions like this plaguing my mind. Worry and guilt and questioning whether something is too much for me is part of my world, it's in my brain and it won't stop. But if I sit back and take some breaths I remember that there is a flow to life and you can't (and maybe shouldn't) control, or try to control, everything. Just go with it and make your choices. Trying to fight this current is pointless, at least for me. Instead I try to understand it, or maybe just let some things float by, knowing that they are not for me.
I don't need to ride and understand all the seesaws, because that can definitely be too much. I just need to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with sitting on the bench and watching, and participating only when I feel I can.
As I grew older and became more aware of myself and the crazy world that surrounded me I began to understand that a little bit of the seesaw was in everything. Sometimes I'm able to control the dizziness, sometimes not. What makes it more bearable than when I was that kid sitting in the playground, is that I don't fear it much anymore. I don't try to run away from the things I don't understand; which actually only ended up making things worse.
One of the things I find having the seesaw effect on me, driving me crazy at times because part of me thinks I may have become addicted, is this entire Social Media thing. I mean, two hundred and five friends on Facebook, one thousand sixty three followers on Twitter, one hundred and twenty eight connections on LinkedIn. It's not that I want any of this to change, and the more the merry really. I like the idea of all those people out there that I can communicate to and share with if I wish, and on my schedule, from the confines of my own room/office. But it can be overwhelming to a guy who has difficulties and easily gets confused with too much going on.
I start to feel a little guilty when I don't post things for days at a time, and I worry over whether or not I will lose anyone from my cyber time life, the way I have in my real time life, because of my inactivity. I know that by nature I am an introvert, but because of something I went through and really had no control over, I find myself having an inability to keep up with this fast paced world, and it is so much faster online. So I sometimes wonder if it is too much for me? Is this thing just like the seesaw and out of my control? Then I start to think, is it silly to be even worrying over something like this?
The reality of it is, I will always have questions like this plaguing my mind. Worry and guilt and questioning whether something is too much for me is part of my world, it's in my brain and it won't stop. But if I sit back and take some breaths I remember that there is a flow to life and you can't (and maybe shouldn't) control, or try to control, everything. Just go with it and make your choices. Trying to fight this current is pointless, at least for me. Instead I try to understand it, or maybe just let some things float by, knowing that they are not for me.
I don't need to ride and understand all the seesaws, because that can definitely be too much. I just need to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with sitting on the bench and watching, and participating only when I feel I can.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
And so,..... I Write.
I really enjoy writing and I have for quite some time, but my reason is perhaps maybe a little different than you may think.
I wrote a story sometime ago about a young girl named Chloe Anderson, and her tale, Chronicles of a Girl, turned into one novel, then two, and now I am working on the third. It is a creative fiction and the first two have been published. I've sold a few books and I have received some favorable feedback. I've been featured with my book in the local paper and on a local television show. I had a book launch and I've attended a few book fairs.
Like most published Authors out there, I'm sure, I think it would be totally awesome to see my book as a best seller and for it to be in demand. I'd love to be successful enough to become a professional full time writer and for that to be my job that pays the bills.
But, I write for so much more than that.
I love creating characters and developing them, creating plot twists and even interesting, or different, worlds. I like the idea of writing something that may make little sense but than later presents that Wow or Aha moment!
But, I write for so much more than that.
I started writing this blog a few years back after I wrote a dissertation piece on myself titled "Breaking Down Barriers & Walking the Path of Accessibility". A former colleague and friend whom I respect and admire convinced me that this writing style of mine was motivational and inspirational and she told me to keep it going. She got me hooked on creating a blog (not that it took much to get me hooked on writing) and I enjoy keeping up and sharing my work.
But, I write for so much more than that.
Short stories and articles have been published. I haven't made a whole lot of money off of any of it, but it is great to be recognized and see my name in print.
But, I write for so much more than that.
My last blog post I wrote about my monumental event in turning the big Four-Oh. I started out the post with a definition from wikipedia of my horoscope sign, Taurus. One of the lines said: Taureans are most happy when being creative. I highly conquer. (At least for me)
But, I write for so much more than that.
I even write for more than the knowledge that I'm accomplishing things that will be left behind for other generations to see.... perhaps a legacy. (snicker)
I write because it allows me to do something I find very difficult; communicate. I wouldn't say it is something "I can't do" without writing, that wouldn't be true; but I would be somewhat lost in life. One of the ways people get through life is by communicating. I think it is probably one of, if not the, main ingredients.
I have a few personal challenges that I have to deal with while trying to get through life, including a learning disability. But any challenge I face stems from my ABI; acquired brain injury. There are basically four categories of brain injury: mild, moderate, severe, very serve. Mild would be something like a concussion that one tends to recover from after a period of months, to very severe where an individual can no longer function properly in everyday life and would require 24 hour support. Me, I am somewhere in between moderate to severe; able to function from day to day, but faced with some challenges. My biggest challenge, communication.
According to the OBIA, (Ontario Brain Injury Association) 80 - 100% of individuals living will ABI are inflicted with some sort of communication disorder.
Like brain injuries itself, the disorder ranges from mild to very severe. My mom, for example, struggles with the disorder known as Aphasia; this can be an extreme speech disorder. I'm not that bad, but I do have difficulties at times. Words can get lost in my head as I'm speaking. I struggle on occasion to make a point, if I get there at all. I lose track of conversations, most often if I'm in a group of two or more people. For this reason I usually remain quiet so I can focus on keeping up. I also tend to shy away from social settings where I have to deal with a crowd. I need time to think about what has been said, and then how I'm going to respond.
Because this disability of mine is none visible and I don't really let on to people that I'm struggling, I tend to get labelled as awkward. In fact, I've been told that my silence can make people feel awkward. I can see people becoming impatient when I can't make a point. I've been at the butt end of sarcasm or jokes, where someone will say, "Gee Mark, thanks for your contribution and all that you had to say", when I never said anything. And this has, on occasion, come from sources that know I have difficulties; which is the main problem, because people tend to forget about what they cannot see or completely understand.
On the rare occasion I can also speak and say too much. I become narrow focused on a subject and start rambling. And on these rare occasions, I've been told I'm saying too much or interrupting others (which I don't mean to do) and to stop. And I'm pretty certain my inadequate speech has been the cause to some lost relationships.
I'm not trying to come across angry or in search of people to feel sorry for me. I'm just trying to point out why it is I like writing for so much more than those reasons listed above. Writing allows me to be expressive, to offer my opinion, to feel like I'm part of something. Whether it is writing a fictional story to eventually share with others or typing out an email to my co-workers to deliver news, I feel like I get to be part of everyday life. I write letters to friends and family to express my emotions, to say things and come up with the words my tongue cannot find.
When writing stories I can create dialogue and conversation and actions that I can keep up with. Knowing that I was capable of writing a novel of over 100,000 words was a true accomplishment! Writing helps me find a piece of my soul that I often feel is missing.
I have even found the ability to volunteer myself (which I love doing) by writing "love letters" through an organization called "The World Needs More Love Letters". To be able to combine my craft of writing with the pleasure of giving back is an amazing feeling!
I know that writing is a form of communication, but verbal speech will always be the more bigger, more accepted brother because it is more instantaneous; as well as being heard and seen. But that's okay. In fact, writing has given me the confidence to speak a little more. I still struggle through and stumble on occasion, and I don't always manage to say what I probably would if given the time to think and write into a document. But, like I said, it's okay. Writing has given me pride and a sense of belonging. It helps me get through life; it is my tool of hope. I'm sure we all have something that helps us get through..
I'll leave you with a few quotes that really touch me.
“I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God” ~ Helen Keller
"Writing is the act of reaching across the abyss of isolation to share and reflect." ~ Natalie Goldberg
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ~ Ernest Hemingway
I wrote a story sometime ago about a young girl named Chloe Anderson, and her tale, Chronicles of a Girl, turned into one novel, then two, and now I am working on the third. It is a creative fiction and the first two have been published. I've sold a few books and I have received some favorable feedback. I've been featured with my book in the local paper and on a local television show. I had a book launch and I've attended a few book fairs.
Like most published Authors out there, I'm sure, I think it would be totally awesome to see my book as a best seller and for it to be in demand. I'd love to be successful enough to become a professional full time writer and for that to be my job that pays the bills.
But, I write for so much more than that.
I love creating characters and developing them, creating plot twists and even interesting, or different, worlds. I like the idea of writing something that may make little sense but than later presents that Wow or Aha moment!
But, I write for so much more than that.
I started writing this blog a few years back after I wrote a dissertation piece on myself titled "Breaking Down Barriers & Walking the Path of Accessibility". A former colleague and friend whom I respect and admire convinced me that this writing style of mine was motivational and inspirational and she told me to keep it going. She got me hooked on creating a blog (not that it took much to get me hooked on writing) and I enjoy keeping up and sharing my work.
But, I write for so much more than that.
Short stories and articles have been published. I haven't made a whole lot of money off of any of it, but it is great to be recognized and see my name in print.
But, I write for so much more than that.
My last blog post I wrote about my monumental event in turning the big Four-Oh. I started out the post with a definition from wikipedia of my horoscope sign, Taurus. One of the lines said: Taureans are most happy when being creative. I highly conquer. (At least for me)
But, I write for so much more than that.
I even write for more than the knowledge that I'm accomplishing things that will be left behind for other generations to see.... perhaps a legacy. (snicker)
I write because it allows me to do something I find very difficult; communicate. I wouldn't say it is something "I can't do" without writing, that wouldn't be true; but I would be somewhat lost in life. One of the ways people get through life is by communicating. I think it is probably one of, if not the, main ingredients.
I have a few personal challenges that I have to deal with while trying to get through life, including a learning disability. But any challenge I face stems from my ABI; acquired brain injury. There are basically four categories of brain injury: mild, moderate, severe, very serve. Mild would be something like a concussion that one tends to recover from after a period of months, to very severe where an individual can no longer function properly in everyday life and would require 24 hour support. Me, I am somewhere in between moderate to severe; able to function from day to day, but faced with some challenges. My biggest challenge, communication.
According to the OBIA, (Ontario Brain Injury Association) 80 - 100% of individuals living will ABI are inflicted with some sort of communication disorder.
Like brain injuries itself, the disorder ranges from mild to very severe. My mom, for example, struggles with the disorder known as Aphasia; this can be an extreme speech disorder. I'm not that bad, but I do have difficulties at times. Words can get lost in my head as I'm speaking. I struggle on occasion to make a point, if I get there at all. I lose track of conversations, most often if I'm in a group of two or more people. For this reason I usually remain quiet so I can focus on keeping up. I also tend to shy away from social settings where I have to deal with a crowd. I need time to think about what has been said, and then how I'm going to respond.
Because this disability of mine is none visible and I don't really let on to people that I'm struggling, I tend to get labelled as awkward. In fact, I've been told that my silence can make people feel awkward. I can see people becoming impatient when I can't make a point. I've been at the butt end of sarcasm or jokes, where someone will say, "Gee Mark, thanks for your contribution and all that you had to say", when I never said anything. And this has, on occasion, come from sources that know I have difficulties; which is the main problem, because people tend to forget about what they cannot see or completely understand.
On the rare occasion I can also speak and say too much. I become narrow focused on a subject and start rambling. And on these rare occasions, I've been told I'm saying too much or interrupting others (which I don't mean to do) and to stop. And I'm pretty certain my inadequate speech has been the cause to some lost relationships.
I'm not trying to come across angry or in search of people to feel sorry for me. I'm just trying to point out why it is I like writing for so much more than those reasons listed above. Writing allows me to be expressive, to offer my opinion, to feel like I'm part of something. Whether it is writing a fictional story to eventually share with others or typing out an email to my co-workers to deliver news, I feel like I get to be part of everyday life. I write letters to friends and family to express my emotions, to say things and come up with the words my tongue cannot find.
When writing stories I can create dialogue and conversation and actions that I can keep up with. Knowing that I was capable of writing a novel of over 100,000 words was a true accomplishment! Writing helps me find a piece of my soul that I often feel is missing.
I have even found the ability to volunteer myself (which I love doing) by writing "love letters" through an organization called "The World Needs More Love Letters". To be able to combine my craft of writing with the pleasure of giving back is an amazing feeling!
I know that writing is a form of communication, but verbal speech will always be the more bigger, more accepted brother because it is more instantaneous; as well as being heard and seen. But that's okay. In fact, writing has given me the confidence to speak a little more. I still struggle through and stumble on occasion, and I don't always manage to say what I probably would if given the time to think and write into a document. But, like I said, it's okay. Writing has given me pride and a sense of belonging. It helps me get through life; it is my tool of hope. I'm sure we all have something that helps us get through..
I'll leave you with a few quotes that really touch me.
“I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God” ~ Helen Keller
"Writing is the act of reaching across the abyss of isolation to share and reflect." ~ Natalie Goldberg
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ~ Ernest Hemingway
Thursday, May 17, 2012
The Journey of a Quiet & Friendly Bull-Giant
My journey has been full of potholes, life lessons, heartache and happiness. I don't expect perfection, and I don't think I really want it.
Defined by Wikipedia: Taurus (♉) is the second astrological sign in the Zodiac, Astrologers classify Taurus as a negative or passive (introvert) sign. This gives the characteristics of being reflective, receptive to the ideas of others: typically, a 'thinker' rather than a 'doer'. But being of the earth-triplicity, Taurus is considered by astrologers to be a highly practical sign which is happiest when involved in some kind of creative process. Although generally considered easy-going and placid, as a fixed sign Taureans are likened to the bull in being slow to show anger, but capable of raging if pushed too far. And they take time to eventually act on their anger and basically when they (Taureans) do, be rattled, because there's no telling what they'll unleash upon you. It is also said Taureans enjoy basic 'creative comforts' and don't allow others to disturb them easily, but they don't forgive and forget easily. Joanna Watters (2003) defined a key phrase for this sign as "I possess", and summarizes its strengths and weaknesses: "The positive side to this fixity is a ferocious willpower and absolute loyalty to loved ones, although they need to guard against possessiveness".
I don't think these astrological signs define us, I've looked at some horoscopes of mine in the past and have read things that totally were not me, but they can also be pretty damn accurate in a lot of places.
I just recently turned the BIG Four-Oh. (40) I've been told it is an age when you start feeling older. It is actually quite true. While I don't necessarily feel any different than I did two weeks ago at the age of 39, I definitely feel older than when I was 28; both physically and mentally. But I like to look at my growth through life in a positive way, not a negative way. Some hard lessons have been taught to me and I've managed through. I treasure my moments past, present and future.
Even if we need to let out a gut wrenching cry once and a while, or a scream of frustration, we need to accept and look beyond the dark times, because I believe that if we don't we'll never truly learn to live in the light, happy ones.
I've learned that the steps we take through life should be delicate and paced, accompanied by observation. A good portion of the time people are not that way and life ends up being rushed, and rough, and unfair. Instead of living for wealth and consumption, we should be more focused on compassion, love and acceptance.
Family is the truest bond in my life, but it is not bound by blood.
It's not about how many friends you have, it's about the quality they bring to you.
Forget about the 'what if?' and concentrate on 'what's next?'
Don't confuse being alone with loneliness.
I believe in God and I go to church; but I am not religious.
I don't think 'Love' is shared often enough, but perhaps said too much.
I suffered something horrible at the age of six and I still carry around scars from it to this day; but I am not prevented from living or functioning in life.
My disability scares me in only that others might not be willing to accept or try to understand.
Possibly because of the challenges/barriers I face, or perhaps the quiet nature of my persona, many people don't get me. Well, I don't get many people either, and I'm fine with that. Not everything deserves to be held onto. Sometimes we got to just let things just be the way they are and not get too stressed over the way we think things should be. Unless we're talking about good vs evil or right vs wrong (in the true sense) there is no 'should be'; there is just 'is' and 'in between'
Have I learned the meaning to life? I don't know if there is ONE meaning to life; but I think if there is, the meaning to life might just be that there will always be more to learn about the meaning to life.
Defined by Wikipedia: Taurus (♉) is the second astrological sign in the Zodiac, Astrologers classify Taurus as a negative or passive (introvert) sign. This gives the characteristics of being reflective, receptive to the ideas of others: typically, a 'thinker' rather than a 'doer'. But being of the earth-triplicity, Taurus is considered by astrologers to be a highly practical sign which is happiest when involved in some kind of creative process. Although generally considered easy-going and placid, as a fixed sign Taureans are likened to the bull in being slow to show anger, but capable of raging if pushed too far. And they take time to eventually act on their anger and basically when they (Taureans) do, be rattled, because there's no telling what they'll unleash upon you. It is also said Taureans enjoy basic 'creative comforts' and don't allow others to disturb them easily, but they don't forgive and forget easily. Joanna Watters (2003) defined a key phrase for this sign as "I possess", and summarizes its strengths and weaknesses: "The positive side to this fixity is a ferocious willpower and absolute loyalty to loved ones, although they need to guard against possessiveness".
I don't think these astrological signs define us, I've looked at some horoscopes of mine in the past and have read things that totally were not me, but they can also be pretty damn accurate in a lot of places.
I just recently turned the BIG Four-Oh. (40) I've been told it is an age when you start feeling older. It is actually quite true. While I don't necessarily feel any different than I did two weeks ago at the age of 39, I definitely feel older than when I was 28; both physically and mentally. But I like to look at my growth through life in a positive way, not a negative way. Some hard lessons have been taught to me and I've managed through. I treasure my moments past, present and future.
Even if we need to let out a gut wrenching cry once and a while, or a scream of frustration, we need to accept and look beyond the dark times, because I believe that if we don't we'll never truly learn to live in the light, happy ones.
I've learned that the steps we take through life should be delicate and paced, accompanied by observation. A good portion of the time people are not that way and life ends up being rushed, and rough, and unfair. Instead of living for wealth and consumption, we should be more focused on compassion, love and acceptance.
Family is the truest bond in my life, but it is not bound by blood.
It's not about how many friends you have, it's about the quality they bring to you.
Forget about the 'what if?' and concentrate on 'what's next?'
Don't confuse being alone with loneliness.
I believe in God and I go to church; but I am not religious.
I don't think 'Love' is shared often enough, but perhaps said too much.
I suffered something horrible at the age of six and I still carry around scars from it to this day; but I am not prevented from living or functioning in life.
My disability scares me in only that others might not be willing to accept or try to understand.
Possibly because of the challenges/barriers I face, or perhaps the quiet nature of my persona, many people don't get me. Well, I don't get many people either, and I'm fine with that. Not everything deserves to be held onto. Sometimes we got to just let things just be the way they are and not get too stressed over the way we think things should be. Unless we're talking about good vs evil or right vs wrong (in the true sense) there is no 'should be'; there is just 'is' and 'in between'
Have I learned the meaning to life? I don't know if there is ONE meaning to life; but I think if there is, the meaning to life might just be that there will always be more to learn about the meaning to life.
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