Monday, December 31, 2018
So what is the big deal? December 31st of one year changes to January 1st for the following. It has happened before, since the dawn of time really. The crowds and the exhaustion. The chaos and anxious moments. Is it worth it?
The days past when I spent countless time searching for parking only to end up squished into a New Year’s party swaying back and forth, not because I wanted to sway but because the surrounding forces were at work. Not to mention the $$$ spent on a day that came and went just like that.
Why is it so significant to celebrate with family, friends, strangers even? The big to-do parties; the promises and resolutions that tend, for the most part, to end up broken.
I just want to close my eyes and forget the entire thing… this ritual of celebrating New Year’s Eve. Bringing in what is going to come regardless of a big ball being dropped.
But then that quiet moment occurs and I see.
Life, every year, from January 1st to December 31st, is full of chaos. Exhaustion, anxiety, shattered dreams and promises that do not happen; sadly, it is true. Time races by so fast that not only are strangers ignored, but at times friends, and even family. Sometimes even ourselves.
Things are unpredictable at best.
But it happens every year.
I believe in self-care. I believe we all need to sometimes stop and to take a step back when necessary. I know it is true, I have done it myself when needing to re-adjust. But often I forget or only do it half assed at best.
All of us need to remember, reflect, and see what really matters. Love; hope; laughter. We tend to cruise by these things in the fast pace of life. So maybe the calendar change is simply a reminder, a time for us to slow down.
Broken resolutions or not, big time party time or not, maybe it’s what is needed, to hit a stop sign and take a moment. To chill and maybe even rewind a bit. A capsule of time that seemingly forces us to pace ourselves enough to pay attention to our surroundings and start listening to the beat our drum is really playing.
What has been achieved? What, or who, has been loved or lost? What memories should be carried and held onto? Family, friends, partners and neighbours. Good times and bad. Moments, big and small. Dreams of what could be. Hugs, and smiles and little things in between.
Hold onto the memories of not only this year, but others that have passed; and continue moving forward. Doing it the best way possible and being authentic to who we are. Knowing we are responsible for our own happiness. Finding meaning in what we see fit. Seeing the dream, allowing ourselves to feel the hope, however that may play out. And altering our course or journey when needed.
These are the thoughts that help me hold my head up.
Yeah. I guess then it is worth it.
Thursday, September 20, 2018
I’m not too fond of bragging or people who make talking about themselves and their achievements a habit, but sometimes I think (if kept in check) tooting one’s own horn is perfectly fine. I mean, maybe we can’t accomplish everything we set our minds to, (otherwise I would be able to fly like Superman by now) but we are capable of quite a lot. And in this fast paced crazy world that can be very demanding, how often do people have the time to properly pat you on the back. There’s nothing wrong with a little self-love and talking proud about personal successes.
So I am not meaning to brag here, and I sincerely hope that is not what you take from this, but it is what it is. For so many years I did not understand, and as I felt a need to not only give back but also accomplish, I felt it was not something to talk about.
I worked hard at trying to understand.
I worked hard at achieving the things I have.
And I am proud about what I do to contribute.
It hasn’t been easy, but I have managed to get my head up and move forward.
Diplomas, certificates, careers, accolades, presentations. I’ve done a lot, seen a lot and accomplished a lot. It is through my volunteering, and life in general really, that I have crossed paths with many different and unique individuals, and it is for this reason that I say what I do. Because we all deserve to talk the talk and walk the walk every once and a while; and it is very easy to become overwhelmed and forget.
We have all accomplished things, and when it is of the right mind, we deserve to step out of the shadows and feel a little glory. To be proud. To toot the horn. And so many who should see, do not. So many who should be and feel confidant, are not.
Daily routines can be difficult. Fear can be consuming. Things can get ugly, messy and sad. I know these things all too well. So when you have a chance, even if it is just for yourself, even if for just a moment or two, toot the horn. Close your eyes and stretch out those arms. Feel and smile at the accomplishments. Know that you can. Be your authentic self. Find those qualities, build the skills. Know that you are deserving.
Life can be hard, so reap the rewards when you can.
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Some boys like girls;
some girls like boys;
some boys like other boys;
some girls like other girls.
Acquaintances, friendships, intimacies...
Acquaintances, friendships, intimacies...
What matters is what is on the inside, the heart and the feelings it creates. Sounds simple; makes sense. But is it? Not so much for this boy.
It is difficult to understand; difficult to understand others; difficult to understand myself. People. What am I supposed to say? What do I do? What is it supposed to be like? But maybe, there is no ‘supposed to be’. Maybe it is my old brain complicating things. Shouldn’t those feelings that the heart creates be good and simple? Good and simple don’t drain me; they don’t exhaust me.
Trying to get out of the way of myself and around my own thoughts can be a challenge. Is this part of human nature, or just my nature? Boys and girls, friendships or more, I don’t think they should be complicated. I understand struggles and challenges; I understand working hard for something you want; but I don’t get complications of the simplest nature.
Health issues, disability challenges, financial stress, life in general. These are the complications to worry about, the ones we cannot necessarily control. Boys and girls and feelings from the heart… them not so much.
Maybe I’m just a simple boy with too many fairy tale dreams. I just don’t understand when simple feelings of the heart became replaced with surface complications. When did we start to accept that something worthwhile was something of hard labour?
The feelings between boys and girls and friendships and more, and how we get along. These should be precious things, not complicated ones.