Friday, February 18, 2011

Job Search; I Hate This Part.

I currently have a great job that is unfortunately under contract and not knowing if your job will last beyond that can be hard. It has been made very clear that it is not me and my ability to do the job, it is funding. I work for a non-profit, provincially funded organization. (Though I am one who believes in never saying never when it comes to something like this, because you just don't know. The probability may be slim, but things can still happen)
So I am facing unemployment in a few months time and it is a scary thing. Times are tough and being unemployed is not a great place to be. Trying to re-establish oneself once unemployed is not easy, nor is trying to get back into the job market. It can become depressing and the umpteen problems someone can end up facing financially can be huge! Bills are high; taxes are high; gas is crazy! Even grocery shopping can be a strain. I personally have responsibilities to take care of and I need a paycheque to do that.
I've faced it and been unemployed before, and even though difficult, things have always seemed to work out. But it is still hard; staring into that big unemployment abyss!
I try not to think about it a lot. I think to myself, "I got time" or "things have worked out for me before" or "something will happen; I'm very capable and have a lot to offer". I try to remain positive. But I still get scared; and though the thought of running low on "funds" should be my primary concern, it is not. (Which probably sounds crazy!) I'm more fearful about losing the "atmosphere" of the job I have. And it's not just this particular job, it's been other jobs I've had in the past as well.
I'm afraid of losing that comfort zone that I've established; the feel for the job, the people I work with and the acceptance. I'm not just referring to the acceptance of co-worker friendships, I'm referring to the acceptance of my ability to do the job. I have a learning disability that hinders me from functioning at a level some "employers" may expect. I need patience, I need space and I need time.  The question of whether or not "slowing things down a bit" and providing me these accommodations will be accepted,  is something that scares me.
In the past, I have disclosed in some instances and have not in others. When I have disclosed it has sometimes gone over well, but more than not it has left me with a negative feeling. Deep down I know, and am confidant, that I can work through or around any of the barriers I may have and prove to be an exceptional employee, but when asked if I will “disclose” at my next interview, I really don’t know how to answer. Thinking about it gives me great anxiety!
Over time the entire process of speaking about my disability, or really more to the accommodations that I need, has become easier. I am learning more, understanding more and adapting to my barrier about facing and dealing with my barriers better; make sense? Writing, and most notably this blog, has and is helping me in so many ways. I have always worked hard at any job I've had, I now need to continue that hard work to include my confidence. Confidence and not letting things get to me can be the factor to overcoming unemployment and some, if not all, of the difficulties I mentioned above.
I’m fairly sure I will still continue to have a bit of a problem about disclosure and asking for accommodations for some time come. I have been told too that if I am going to disclose that I should do so after I get hired. Regardless of all this stuff though, I am pretty certain that something will work out. Maybe too, someone will be reading this blog and word will spread and my disclosure can be a silent gift to my future. My positivity and learning to be honest can and will balance any of the barriers I carry... I am certain of that.

And I really do need to get those bills paid........

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