Encouraging Enlightenment

The other day I attended a training workshop regarding an OBIA (Ontario Brain Injury Association) mentorship program, a program that is about veteran or knowledgeable brain injury survivors and/or caregivers who offer themselves as friends, guides, advisors or sound boards (or all) to those who have suffered similar injury and are perhaps feeling lost. Mentorship I think, presents a value in any regard, but when referring to brain injury, maybe even more so. I say this because brain injury is an invisible disability; you can’t see it, and therefore I think a lot of people don’t think it is real. But the pain and the suffering and the uphill battles are real.

This mentorship program not only shows people that they are not alone in the battle, but helps bring about self awareness; one of the most important things when battling any disability. So the program is great! To understand even more you can go here: Peer Support

The training program was delivered by an OBIA Support Services Specialist very well; it was clear cut and to the point about what a mentor is all about and what is expected of him or her. And the two Coordinators there were brilliant! I love seeing someone in charge that seems to be motivated and passionate about what they do. But the highlight of it all was seven people, (besides me) who presented an encouraging enlightenment and an unwavering sentiment to help.

I was surrounded by these beautiful and knowledgeable people. Survivors and fighters and individuals whom simply wanted do right by others. These seven awesome people that were there in attendance with me wanted to take their experiences and pay it forward.

The world can be scary, and I often find myself, seemingly, sinking in a quagmire of a self-absorbed society. Don’t get me wrong, there are many programs out there that are similar to this one, (offering hope and a form of social assistance) along with quite a few individuals who advocate and lend a hand. But very often it is hard to see through the smoke. I am aware, though, of these places and faces of good intentions and have been blessed to see them in person. This was not the first time that I had been in the company of kind hearts and I certainly hope not the last. But it gets to me every time, that there are people who strive for the benefit of others.

Perhaps because the subject of brain injury is a personal one for me, but on the way home from that workshop I found myself somewhat amazed and a little overwhelmed. While I’m certain to see or be talking with my Coordinator in the future, I don’t know if I’ll ever see my fellow mentor trainees again or not. Regardless, I have to say, well done. Not everyone steps up and puts themselves out there to offer help to others….. to strangers.

I think this says a lot to the fact that no one ever really, truly, has to be alone. Someone is always willing to listen, to lend support, to offer guidance, to open their arms. Because sometimes even the smallest light can chase away overwhelming darkness

The Reason

I find it difficult to get up in the mornings. It is hard work to roll out of bed, regardless of how much sleep I got or the fact that the alarm is going off; I find the task very draining. (I need an alarm to help get my eyes open or I might stay horizontal all day) I do get up though, and once I splash some water on my face and have my morning tea, I'm good to go. But still, that one moment....... Sometimes it is more difficult than others...... but it can be the hardest part of my day.
It is said that someone who has survived a brain injury lives with almost constant fatigue. It makes sense, because I'm not Not wanting to get out of bed because I'm still sleepy per se, and there isn't anything specific I'm dreading...... it just is what it is.

Wikipedia says:

Fatigue (also called exhaustion, tiredness, lethargy, languidness, languor, lassitude, and listlessness) is a state of awareness describing a range of afflictions, usually associated with physical and/or mental weakness.

Sleepy means feeling a need for sleep. Sleep is a naturally recurring state characterized by reduced or absent consciousness, relatively suspended sensory activity, and inactivity of nearly all voluntary muscles.

I do get up and I do get on with my day, but the reason isn't because I have to. Well, actually I do have to, but it is not for work or because of any household responsibilities, because I need to walk the dog or run an errand for my mom. The reason is ME. And I know, when the reason isn't for someone or something else it kinda' loses a bit of that honour, that romance. When something is about ME, it sort of becomes selfish....... right? So perhaps I am selfish in the things that I do.

Aside from paying bills, and perhaps a bit more if you want to get nitty-gritty and analyze this to death, I do not feel obligated to work, do household chores, or even sit in traffic. It just is what it is.

None of this means I live a la-d-da life. Things aren't all roses. I get annoyed and frustrated! I struggle with my fair share of things. I get tired and I get sick, I feel loneliness and depression. But the reason to go on and leave these things behind, it is mine. The love and passion, the drive, the laughter. I live for the beauty and inspiration that I see and find everyday; and I consider doing it all and being part of it, a privilege; not an obligation. The reason is ME.

I suppose the ME can become a bit too selfish when people lose track of the beauty and place too much focus on all that darkness and negativity flowing around. It is not always that hard to get lost. I've felt lost before; but the reason I was found was because of me. I had support, and I still do, and I don't deny that. Other things, people, give me drive and offer me inspiration. But I see it and take it because of me.

No one helps me do battle with this fatigue thing that comes back to fight me every morning. No one is helping me get out of bed. I do it because of me. If I do it for any other reason I'm not giving anything or anyone else the true me, including myself.

A Touching String

Earlier in the year Fox came out with a new series called "Touch", more-or-less about the links/connections between people. How the littlest of things we do that can effect others. Sort of a six degrees of separation thing. The episodes were great, though I am unsure how long the writers can keep that same "greatness".... only time will tell.
This has made me think about some of the things going on in my life and wondering what they mean, and the thought of maybe something "touching" happening, wherever, being related to something I may have done, makes that clichéd saying "everything happens for a reason" sit with me a little better.
I don't really need to know of any touching stories that may result from something I have done, but the idea is a nice one, and that idea alone is sometimes what keeps me going. But I do have a story that relates to this touching ripple effect.

Fall 2011 I put together a short story titled "Sweet Child" that I contributed to a Creative Review anthology, a book called Christmas Lites. You can view and purchase a copy here. Christmas Lites was put together to share stories of Christmas in an ebook format for troops overseas along with all sales going toward the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence; a very worthy organization.
Creative Reviews is a group of authors and book readers/reviewers that is part of Good Reads. I became involved with this group though a friend I met on Twitter. I caught a tweet about this anthology one day and said that I'd like to get involved. I began following this person initially because she reviews books and I thought "I have a book", but the anthology became a priority instead.
Twitter was a form of Social Media I thought I would never get involved with, but obviously that changed; and it was a former co-worker that pointed me in that direction. The current organization I work for, One Voice Network, saw this individual doing a good majority of the work on her own before I started, including running the Twitter account. Since that time the organization has grown and I run the Twitter account now. When it was handed to me, this person, who has become a good, also suggested that I start my own personal account. As she was someone who lived, and lives, by social media, she showed me the ropes and how to connect with people of similar interests.

I obtained my job at One Voice Network in August of 2010; the first portion of that year I was unemployed after the hotel that I had worked at for seven years had closed down. I'm sure a lot of you can imagine or relate to the fact that being unemployed is a hard stint in life. With some work and the assistance of an Employment Service Provider I ended up getting an interview with the organization I'm at now.... I'm guessing you can all tell that the interview went well.
Being a quiet guy, someone who doesn't always manage to say the right things, and a person who is not considered to be spontaneous with the spoken word, it was in fact surprising that the interview went well. Not because I cannot handle interviews, but because (this is the funny/strange part) I was walking into a room in regards to an entirely different job. I can't tell you exactly what I was thinking before I walked in but I did not think I was going for a full time contracted position for an Administrative Coordinator. And I sure as hell did not know what or who One Voice Network was.

I got a great job, (which I love and want to continue doing) but it is a job I got through a mistake. miscommunication, a resume sent to the wrong place? I don't know, I don't much care. This mistake lead to gainful employment, which lead me to a good friend, which lead me to a great connection, which lead me to a worthy cause. And aside from a profit going toward that cause, who knows what, or who, those stories, or perhaps my story, may have influenced.
There are other things I've done because of this ?????  that I'm proud of, but I think this one is a pretty good illustration of "A Touching String".

Whether the string goes on would be somewhat interesting to learn about, but it doesn't really matter. Part of it went somewhere good. It makes me think that I'm where I belong........ but than again, I suppose if one is confident enough in themselves and happy, you are always where you belong.
I don't think too much about these "connections" or degrees of separation, but the thought of "A Touching String" or ripple effect like this (a blurry misstep leading to something of benefit) is an endearing one...... and we could all use more of those.

Blurred Lines

The other day I was reading a story about some kid who got bullied right before he was to give an interview on being the victim of bullying.
At first I thought "what the hell?" During and after reading the story I felt a mix of emotions run through me; of course this was not the first, nor sadly will it most likely be the last, I read or hear of this kind of news. As I mulled things over I became more perplexed and concerned at the way this unfolded, the after effects, and the sad state in which things like this at large seem to be going.

Before I go on, you can read the story and see a video of that which I am referring to. Kid Gets Bullied Prior to TV Interview

So initially I was saddened to hear of yet another story pertaining to bullying. I was also dumbfounded yet again as to how stupid some kids are; doing this in front of a camera. (I'm sure we remember the not-so-bright teens who recorded verbally abusing a school bus monitor and then posting it to You Tube) It is also crazy, I thought, the real lack of caring or concern over the fact that an adult witness was right there.
Questions arose like, how are these kids being raised? and why are the school officials there saying that they will start investing this matter when the victim has been bullied before? or why is the school official smiling and saying casually how this happens at every school?

I know that kids can get out of hand because they are simply being kids, but this attitude of "kids will be kids" is getting out of hand as well I think. I then started wondering if bullying was not just a juvenile label for criminal assault; whether physical or verbal? I mean this reporter was a witness. Why is she not speaking with the Police? Oh that's right, it is a news story. Letting this thing play out in the school system makes for much better coverage. (sorry for being somewhat snarky.... but seriously)

Bullying I think will become worse as time goes on because others will see that there are no real consequences..... I mean, this kid, this victim, got suspended for defending himself. And unless some idiot decides to post his or her actions on You Tube, or a camera woman happens to be around, the problem can remain silent, hidden, disguised.

And this problem of these kinds of incidents being kept in the dark or ignored  or casually dismissed as "kids will be kids" only presents a bigger issue.

As someone with what is referred to as "an invisible disability" I can tell you from personal experience, and from listening to or reading about others, (people with acquired brain injury, bipolar, mental health issues, etc....) that there are quiet a few people who would rather these dark and "invisible" problems or secrets be kept under the carpet. Most often this is because these things are not understood and I think some people would rather them remain unseen or unheard when not understood.

These bullies may in fact have their own issues that need to be dealt with or helped along. Perhaps they have some form of illness or disability. Perhaps there are problems at home that make it hard for them to deal with everyday life. But than again, they could just be uncaring and evil. The point though is that these, or any, "investigations" into bad or odd behavior need to be taken more seriously and handled more efficiently. I am sure that they are sometimes, just not enough.

The days of black and white hats, or good and evil, are gone. The lines have become blurry. There are too many people in positions of power that are fine with the blurriness and that are leading others to not worry about, or focus on, correcting them. And the reason this bothers me so much, is because I have come into contact with and met individuals who are  EXTRA caring! Organizations, a lot of them, that exist with GREAT services! There are people who REALLY do want to make a difference! Yet so many of these dark stories still seem to surface.

Surfacing is great, but they need to properly be looked at and dealt with; not allowed to crawl back into the shadows. There is no reason for anyone, or anything, to be kept in the shadows.

The Character in Me & You

A few times now I have discussed with a few others (not on this blog) the subject of Disability versus Personality. So, I thought I'd share my feelings on the subject; a combination on the discussions I've had.

First, according to Wikipedia:

A disability may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental or some combination of these. A disability may be present from birth, or occur during a person's lifetime.
Disabilities is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions. An impairment is a problem in body function or structure; an activity limitation is a difficulty encountered by an individual in executing a task or action; while a participation restriction is a problem experienced by an individual in involvement in life situations. Thus disability is a complex phenomenon, reflecting an interaction between features of a person’s body and features of the society in which he or she lives.

Personality is the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral response patterns of an individual.

The definitions are fairly different, especially in length.
While it may be difficult to see how a physical disability can affect or be compared to personality, let me reassure you, (in my humble opinion) it can. All disabilities, whether physical or not, (visible or invisible) can have an effect on a person's psyche...... the degree of that effect can of course vary.
A person who acquires a disability may not be as jovial or outgoing as he or she once was. Or, in fact, they may become more comical in some things because they feel the need to cover up other insecurities. There is a fine line between disability and personality and hopefully each individual can see that for themselves, it only helps in knowing true self awareness.

For example: I have a difficulty in participating in group settings; getting my thoughts straight and just understanding everything being said is what I concentrate on. I'll admit that in certain social settings as opposed to business ones this can be a little easier. But still, it is a difficulty I have and this is because of my disability...... I just can't keep up with certain things. Now, on the occasion, I have been called out on this, with someone poking fun at my non-yammering.
When I don't pull that individual aside to stand up for myself and explain my difficulties, that's my personality..... my shy and quiet personality that tends to persuade me to not to stand up for myself and allow the traffic to run me over. (not literally!)

I once heard this story about a mom questioning whether her child's outburst at the age of three was due to that child's personality of a three year old having a typical temper tantrum or if it was because of the ADHD the doctor diagnosed that kid of having. My first question is how does a kid at three get diagnosed ADHD? I'll admit, I don't know a whole lot about ADHD, but I don't think I've ever met a kid (or rarely) under the age of five (and I've met quite a few kids) that hasn't had a problem with attention or has never been hyper.
This also raises the question, what if this kid never acquired ADHD and was born with it? Is there even a difference between personality and disability if someone is born with a disability?

But my real question, and this one relates to all disabilities, is, does it matter?
Does it matter where the disability ends and the personality begins?

Disability may offer explanations to certain challenges and/or barriers, but ones disability should not be an excuse for bad behavior or missed opportunities or a reason for not living life. Just as I would hope someone's personality does not become the "cry me a river" saga or worse, self denial that may lead to misery and/or unhealthy living.
Like I said, it is a fine line. But I don't like to think in terms of personality versus disability. I mean, there may be quite a few people out there that would like to get to know my personality, but not many who would have the patience or understanding for my disability. So instead I like to think of them both as parts that make up what really counts: Character.

Character, or character structure, is a system of relatively permanent traits that are manifested in the specific ways that an individual relates and reacts to others, to various kinds of stimuli, and to the environment..... how the individual meets the psychosocial challenges of the life cycle.

That "life cycle", that "stimuli", includes disability, personality, experiences, (past & present) relationships,...... the list can go on and on. But what it comes down to is, we are who we are. All that I just mentioned, and more, is our make-up of life. There is no reason to shy away from them or be ashamed; and as long as we know that there are different traits that make up us, there is no need to worry about and separate them.

Character is what matters.

A Third Sunrise Review

“Pain has a curious way of pushing you to understand life on a different level.” ~ Natalie Jeanne Champagne

It was in January of 2011 that I decided to start a blog and it took me a few tries to come up with and settle on the title, Challenging Barriers. The blog was inspired from a dissertation I wrote about my disability and the challenges it has presented in life. I wanted to create something similar but different at the same time. I didn’t want it to be just about me, about my specific challenges and barriers, but about those we all face in life.

I met Natalie through a Social Media outlet sometime around mid 2011. I cannot recall the exact date and I don’t know for certain which Social Media format it was, but I think it was Twitter. (We are connected on Facebook and LinkedIn as well) I think Natalie’s profile was suggested to me because we are both writers. We are also both Canadian, and in our own ways have dealt with disability and illness; though I don’t think those last two were behind the suggested connection…… I could be wrong. 

The fact that Natalie writes various articles, including having a permanent position with HealthyPlace.com, where she advocates for the recovery and awareness of mental illness, makes her book (for me anyway) that much more inspiring.

“The Third Sunrise….. A Memoir of Madness” is the name of the book. Unlike my book, this was and is her life’s story. Natalie tells the tale of a young girl who is diagnosed with bipolar at the age of twelve and also the later-in-life struggles with alcohol and drug addiction.

I once read Natalie having said that she hoped her book would maybe help someone going through similar battles. I would have bought the book based on that sincerity alone if I had not already decided to purchase a copy. But I can tell you this, even though I do not have bipolar and I do not ,nor have not, struggled with addiction, the book helped me. It opened my eyes to things I knew little about. It lead me to discover yet another appreciation for life and the ultimate strength people can have. It helped me remember that no matter how hard things may feel to us, we are never truly alone in our desire for something better.

I enjoyed reading Natalie’s book for quite a few reasons, but I’ll focus on two. The bravery behind her words; because I can only imagine that they were hard to write and re-live. As tragic as this story may be at times, at the core root of it, that kind of honesty is a beautiful thing to share. The second is the way in which it read. The read, to me, was easy. Because it seemed like, even though I was reading the words, Natalie was there, telling me her story…… often joining me with a cup of tea. (I usually have tea when I read.)

This is a story of struggles and illness, and ups and downs. It is dark and it is sad. (Though I found some of Natalie’s sarcasm a bit humorous; perhaps the sarcasm was needed to help her write the book and for us to read it) It is also gritty and honest, and I applaud her for that. Honesty, even if for the better, is not always easy. But the book is also hopeful; in the end, it is hopeful. That is why it is such a great book.

Tragic tales with a glimmer of moving forward are important, not only for those going through a similar battle, but for anyone in today’s world that can come to face darkness and despair. We all need to know that even some of the worst stories can find light. People can find strength even when they think it is lost. This book definitely proved that to me and it is well worth the journey through the pages of The Third Sunrise.

Visit Natalie's Home Page to purchase your copy.

Life's Stage

Every time that I hear the saying "life is like a stage" I can't help but think, one, how true it is, and two, how I used to devote part of my life to the stage.
After graduating College and realizing I really was still a bit lost career wise, I decided to spend the summer up north under the roof of our family home. I took up volunteering at the Red Barn theatre in Jackson's Point, it was Canada's oldest summer professional theatre. (Sadly this theatre was destroyed by a fire in 2008 and is no more) My volunteering quickly turned to a paid job and lead me to spend the next eight years working in backstage production. The organization of props, the dealing with actors, the laughter and excitement of the crowds coming to see the show, the lights, the settings for different performances, the chaos that ensued backstage...... these were all things that I grew (quickly) to love.
For a variety of reasons I felt comfortable in the confines of that old barn; sometimes more so than I did anywhere else, including our family home. I will never forget my days at the Red Barn. I had shed blood, sweat and tears there. All of the frustration and disappointment I felt, there, in my life, in me, was washed away when I got to work on stage.

In 2001 my mother had an accident, and I was, funnily enough, at the theatre. I had taken off the majority of that August to be by my mom's side in the hospital and to take care of things at home, but by mid-September I returned to help with the last performance of the season and close things down for the winter. As I did this I realized I would not be returning the next spring. I needed to find something a little more permanent, something that would give me a regular forty hour work week with regular eight hour shifts so that I could spend time with my mom, helping her deal with this acquired brain injury and begin the road to recovery.
As hard as it was to see things this way, it is what I needed to do, it is what I wanted to do. Like being on stage, my role was changing, the setting was changing, I was moving into the next Act.

I obtained a job at a local hotel where I remained for the next several years. I moved my way up in ranks to Front Desk and Accommodations Supervisor. I saw a lot of people come and go over that time period as well as the hotel being sold and placed under new ownership. Ownership difficulties is why it closed in November 2009.
Being in a small town you deal with the same shit you deal with anywhere else really, only because it is a small town with less population, you feel it more. The rumors, the gossip, the played out drama. (I recall at this point when I was younger, in high school, when my sister's friend would come over, plunk down on the couch and state "let me tell you about the latest drama.") Drama can be sad, but also quite foolish. Drama does not just occur on stage in the theatre or back in school where we were younger and maybe a bit naive, drama is part of life...... and there isn't just three Acts, there are dozens of them; and sometimes intermission is skipped over entirely.

I may not have a whole lot of close friends in my life, but I have met quite a few people in my life's journey. Schools, jobs, places I've lived, places I've visited, even online, and I've come to find that there are a lot of people who seem to like drama......... the foolish kind. Rumors and gossip seem to be everywhere. Our world seems to be more concerned with Kristen Stewart cheating on the love of her life or the latest between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and the kid that they share.I sometimes find myself weighed down by this drama; by manipulation and insensitivity and the fact that some people seem to simply want to stayed wallowed in misery.

The other week tragedy struck our small town when a sixteen year old girl was hit by a car and died. Even though I did not know this girl or her family, I felt bad. SIXTEEN! This story breaks my heart, and the really sad part about it is, sad stories like this are happening all over the world. But like the stage, "the show must go on". Roles will change, settings will change, and people will move into the next Act.

But then, I'm finding that there are multiple stages with different Acts being played out. Acts worth seeing, Acts worth taking part in. The title of this post is the same of a website I highly recommend checking out: Life's a Stage ~ Weblog ~ by Estrella Azul to me it is just full of happiness and fun with ton's of creativeness to be shared. There is also The World Needs More Love Letters; a scripted story definitely worth noticing, sharing and taking part in. There are stages that have been set or are in motion of being set by Non-Profit organizations to help others with struggles and challenges they face in our earthly society. Even though not always seen or heard (unfortunately) there are a lot of these well-to-do, with good intention, scripts being played out all around.

For myself, even though some Acts have been tough, I cherish the roles I've always had or have graduated into: Brother, Son, Care Giver, Uncle, Volunteer. If you haven't got it yet, the right role is out there for you, and there are some great ones still to come I'm sure. Don't give up and let the foolish drama get to you. There is always another Act, the show is never over.